he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
