he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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