Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
