Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
