did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
