Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
