I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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