Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
