3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I don't deserve a penis
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
