How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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