i think my tv is drunk
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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