dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
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Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
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By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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