he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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