Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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