The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
