I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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