u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Let's get the cat blown out
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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