Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
