OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
