this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
