i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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