Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
