I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She bit a glass in half.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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