its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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