Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
