omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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