Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ladies don't puke and tell
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
