life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
