Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
