Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
