just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
