Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
