He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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