There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
