honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
im holly from the hills drunk
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
