I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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