i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
