I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
