Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
