just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
