The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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