In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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