She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
