What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
