too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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