he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I touched a dick in church today
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