Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
