just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Found your dick twin last night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
