Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
