Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
