Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
