Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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