he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
