Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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