At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I wish they made helmets for livers.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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