Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize