she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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