Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
