I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
