If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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