no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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